so please, my love, kill me now

I love you but will you still love me if you know who really I am?

I’ve always loved you and I’ve always kept my vow before the altar.

No matter what, I’ll always love you but will you still love me if there’s nothing more I can give?

Now that you’ve known who really I am, let me prove to you that I can love you more.   I can let you do what you want even to the point of pain…even if it leads to my death. But just let me stay with you for I can never find another one who can truly take care of me.

Without you by side is like living in darkness…in hell…in void.

If you can no longer take me as I am, please kill me. I’d rather die than you abandoning me.

Kill me however you want it. Shoot me. Stab me. Strangle me. Suffocate me. Push me from the highest floor. Feed me to the lions or just give me a sleeping pill so I’ll wake up no more.

Will you do it, my love?

Even to my last breath, I’ll call your name. You name will be the last word I would utter.

But here you are, my love! You’ve never left me.

The way you looked at me in the church is still the same when we make love in the night.

The way you gave me your first kiss is still the same when you kiss me every time I’m downtrodden.

In front of the world, I’m a failure but in your eyes, I’m someone special. And so I’m able to soar.

You’re always at my side, lifting me up while you stay there waiting to catch me just in case I fall.

Who am I to deserve your great love for me?

My love, I’m incomplete for I can’t give you what you want. So if you can no longer take me as I am, please don’t hesitate to kill me. You don’t have to inform me. You don’t have to be guilty. There’s nothing to be afraid.

You’re just human. You have your own needs. Fulfill it if you must. Do it if you have to. You don’t have to suffer just because this is who I am.

I’m setting you free. Your true love you’ve given me for so many years is enough.

I can leave this world but know that I can’t live in this world if it takes me to be away from you. So please, my love, look straight into my eyes and tell me. You don’t have to pretend. You don’t have to lie.

Kill me. Burn me. Then replace me without any delay.

Let me just request one last thing before you cut off my breath. Let my ashes be spread in the seashore where you first gave your love for me. With your footprints there, I’ll walk with you whenever you feel alone and miserable. And just in case when life seems to turn you down, walk in the sand and feel my undying love for you.

When that happens, we’ve never been separated. We’ve never been torn apart. I never die. You’ll never die. We’ll live forever.

So please, my love… Kill me now.

– excerpts from The Massage Therapist

The Kingdom of God is in You

Daniel and May almost got separated when she found out everything but at the end, she forgave him unconditionally. It’s where he realized that he didn’t have to look and fall for someone else when she’s all that he needed. Beyond that, he had come into full circle with his awareness fully opened of the great love that May has been giving him for many years.

Oftentimes in our lives, we take for granted of the people who are just in front of our sight. We go outside and search for happiness when all along, it has already been there right besides us. The same case when we search for God and all other truths. We may have read many books and study the faiths of different religions.

We may have been to different churches or schools and listened to different teachers, philosophers, theologians, pastors and priests. We may have been on pilgrimages to various sacred tombs, hills and mountains. We may have spent countless hours in prayer, waiting to see the face of God and hear His voice. We may even expect that what happened to the saints and mystics would also happen to us. We try to find God where He can personally talk to us and transform our lives.

After all our long search, we could be upset that we didn’t find what we’re looking for when we fully realize that God is just all along within us.

In the hidden Gospel of Thomas, Jesus Christ said, “The kingdom of God is inside of you and all around you, not in buildings of wood and stones. The kingdom is inside of you and it is outside of you. When you come to know yourselves, then you will become known and you will realize that it is you who are the sons of the Living Father. But if you will not know yourselves, you will dwell in poverty and it is you who are that poverty. Recognize what is in your sight and that which is hidden from you will become plain to you.”

The kingdom is the true and lasting happiness which we all have been looking for…in the immemorial hands of time. Our perennial mistake is we don’t realize that We are Happiness, ourselves. We just have to actualize it. This is one of the greatest truths of who we really are. The other side of the kingdom can be found just in all around us who is literally the closest in our existence…spouse, partner, child, sibling, parent, relative or a friend. Unless we know and live in this truth, we will forever be, restless, empty and sad.

– excerpts from Oh, Daniel

masturbate in the most pleasurable way

While working, just few minutes ago, I received an email from a man who’s asking me on how to masturbate in the most pleasurable way. He said he’s been reading my writings on this site and just like me, he’s forced to stay home and refrain from fucking other women. So he got no choice but to masturbate. However, he’s getting bored and wonder if there’s a different way to masturbate. I must admit this is the first time I’m being asked with this kind of question. Anyway, it’s worth sharing my answer to him…

This is how you masturbate and have a pleasurable experience while achieving great orgasm. Now this is the ideal scenario. You’re alone in the room and you have a desktop computer or laptop. Make up in your mind on what really turns you on. For me, what turns me on is going to a porn site and type Iwia in the search box. It’s a name of a famous European pornstar. Why her? Because she really looks like my former girlfriend whom I consider to be the yummiest girl of all the fuckings I had. Iwia got more than a hundred stunning videos. So I don’t get bored watching the same girl in different scenes.

Then I use a massage oil (with lavender orange & lemongrass essential oils) to masturbate my cock while I stand with my eyes focused on the screen. Why stand? Just try it and you can compare that the orgasm achieved is better than sitting. There must be a scientific explanation behind it. I don’t have to elaborate on how a man should do it for I can write a thousand words about it but the most important thing is focus without rushing. It means, let the video play from the start as you slowly and gently masturbate while watching her face, her facial expression, her moanings, her moves, her breasts, her legs, her vagina and the contours of her whole body. When you feel, you are about to cum, still don’t make your stroking faster.

Maintain the speed from beginning to end even when your semen fires up. Maybe you’re used to make it faster when you’re cumming but try this method and you will experience a big difference.

Sex Chat with Erika

This pandemic, I realize, isn’t that bad at all. It’s not really boring, staying home most of the time, as I get to receive some anonymous FB friend requests with sexually entertaining chats such as this one…

“Hi!”

“Hi, Erika! You have a very sexy name!”

“Hahaha!”

“I don’t know if that’s your real name.”

“I also don’t know if Mike Luster is your real name.”

“Well, we’re even. Anyway, you look naturally pretty in your pictures. Is that really you?”

“That’s me.”

“Alright then. You said it. So you’re in college now, Erika?

“No. I’m still in high school.”

“I see. Do you like erotic stories?”

“Yeah, why?”

“Can i ask you a personal question? i hope you don’t get offended.”

“Sure.”

“Do you masturbate?”

“Hahaha! What a question!”

“I’m sorry. You don’t have to answer.”

“It’s ok. I masturbate sometimes.”

“Wow! How do you do it? With your fingers or with a vibrator?”

“Fingers.”

“Have you tried fucking a boy?”

“No.”

“So you’re a virgin but do you wish that someday you will experience it?”

“I guess so.”

“Do you watch porn, Erika?”

“No.”

“That must be hard when you masturbate when you don’t have something sexy to watch.”

“I just imagine.”

“I see. How do you feel when you masturbate?”

“Hot.”

“Can you please describe more?”

“I’m getting horny with your questions, Mike?”

“Are you lying in your bed now?”

“Yes.”

“What are you wearing?”

“Pajamas.”

“Are you wearing sando?”

“Yes.”

“Without bra and panty?”

“With panty.”

“Can you imagine someone whom you like to fuck? Like an actor or a singer?”

“Hahaha! I can’t think of any.”

“Who’s your crush? James Reid?”

“Maybe.”

“What about Daniel Padilla?”

“Maybe also. Hahaha!”

“Who would you choose?”

“Both. Hehehe!”

“You’re fucking cute, Erika! So imagine, James is fingering your vagina while Daniel is kissing you. Then I want you to squeeze your breasts. Your left hand is squeezing your breast while your right hand is fingering your pussy. Can you do that now?”

“You’re really making me horny, Mike.”

“Then masturbate while thinking about James and Daniel.”

“Ah, shit!”

“You like it?”

“Yeah!”

“Don’t answer me for now. I want you to continue masturbating your fucking wet pussy until you achieve your orgasm.”

(after some few minutes)

“Mike, I’ve reached it already.”

“That’s good, Erika, you cummed! That’s very good.”

“Thanks to you. Hehehe!”

I then sent her a picture of a naked girl with two boys side by side.

“Hahaha! I like that, Mike!”

“That’s very good, Erika. That’s very very good! I have to go now. Until next time with our sex session.”

“Ok, Mike. Bye.”

The Lesser Evil

Someone told me that for a married man, getting a hand job is a lesser evil. I agree.

For me, evil isn’t defined as something scary that you’re going to hell in eternal damnation when you die. After all, there’s no such thing as like that. Evil is just something which involves pain or danger in this world. As long as it’s contained in hand job where there’s no sexual intercourse involved, everything’s fine. Yet it’s still evil in the sense that instead of your money spent on it, it should have gone to pay your bills or buying your wife and kids of the things they want. Well, if you’re a rich guy, you don’t have a problem. Evil comes in when you don’t have time anymore with your family. Surely, they’ll be hurt.

Anyhow, all of us have both good and evil playing in our lives. Even with the holiest person you may see in the church ground, you don’t know what he does in the dark when no one’s around. All of a sudden, you hear in the news that your parish priest, whom you thought to be very religious and spiritual, is all the while involved in child molestation or sex with a minor. I say, the priest has committed a greater evil where pain is severe because of the trauma caused on the child.

However, for a man who can’t control his sexual desires for another woman, instead of fucking around, masturbation must be done. After cumming, lust will subside.

If solo masturbation is a boring routine for you, then go for a hand job at least once in two weeks and politely ask the woman to make your dick happy (both should wear face mask and face shield since there’s still no vaccine for covid-19). After, sanitize hands with alcohol.

That’s lesser evil. Comparing you’re maintaining an extra-marital love affair, it’s expensive. Trust me. I’ve been around. Not only it drains your pocket, it’s also mind draining because you’re living in constant fear of getting caught.

During a hand job (which I recently did in the car), it’s almost close to impossible of getting caught by your wife. Just in case, you’re caught, tell her, “Honey, it’s just a hand job. Nothing happened. I didn’t put my penis inside her vagina. We didn’t even kiss. There was social distancing. I was in the driver’s seat while she’s in the front seat.” Hehehe!

No one gets pregnant. No one gets HIV. No one gets covid.

But to be honest, it’s so very yummy when you’re on top fucking a different attractive woman. The more it gets to be yummier when she’s the one on top, especially when she’s very good in pumping and grinding! My saliva is now dripping, recalling those moments I had with different girls at the motel.