The Moving Love Letter

Dear Mike,

I never thought we reach this point into our relationship. All I can remember at first is you were just one of those persistent admirers. But what sets you apart is you never gave up.

Every time I look back, I always ask myself, why and how did I fall for you? Honestly, until now, there’s still some regret why I let myself fall for you. No matter how I look at our situation, this is wrong. When people know about our relationship, they will judge us. My greatest fear when the day comes when your wife finds out about us. 

Mike, I’m writing this letter for two reasons. First, to let you know I’m ready anytime to let you go if you decide you won’t see me again. I will understand. Don’t worry about me. The second reason, is to let you know that no matter how complicated our relationships is, I still thank God I met you. 

We’ve been seeing for many times now and I know you’re getting to know me better. I’m a person who deeply believes in the will of God. Our meeting is one example that there must be a reason why God allows these things to happen. If I wouldn’t have met you, I don’t know what would happen to me on that day when I had a terrible fever. If I wouldn’t have met you, I don’t know what would happen to my schooling when my brother was laid off from his job. 

Sometimes I think God is someone we can never understand. He works in mysterious ways. All I can do right now is surrender to His Will whatever it may be in the next days to come. 

When I found out I didn’t get pregnant, more questions came to me. I got more confused on what God really wants. Does He want me to stay away from you? Is He giving me a chance that I shouldn’t agree anymore to make love to you or else I get pregnant by that time?”

But if I believe our meeting has a reason, then God must have some a hand on why we reach into this point. 

Every time I’m with you, my mind thinks it’s wrong but my heart says otherwise. I can’t deny, I get excited to be with you. I just don’t show it. 

I may say less when we’re together but I hope this letter tells a lot on how much I feel for you. I love you, Mike. There are no other words I know to express how grateful I am of you. You’re kind. You listen to me always. You care and I feel you’re sincere. I’ve loved before but this is something extraordinary. This is unexpected. You shock me but you have a unique way of captivating me which I don’t have the strength to stop you.

You come to me too strong which is so hard to resist. You weaken me with your stare and touch but you make me experience a different kind of happiness which I never felt before.

As you keep telling me, we don’t know what the future holds for us but we know Who holds the future. So I guess it’s gonna be alright.

I trust you, Mike. I believe in you when you say you’ll take care of me. You’re now taking care of me more than I ask for. But when the day comes you will let me go, just tell me right away. I will let you go even if you don’t ask if I see it’s getting difficult with you and your family. That’s how I love you, Mike. I give you freedom whenever you will leave me. 

I’m crying as I write this letter in the middle of the night. I have to cry so to lessen my pain when that day comes. But please remember, you’re the best thing that ever happened into my life.”

Love,

Jill

– excerpts from The Carnal Man

so please, my love, kill me now

I love you but will you still love me if you know who really I am?

I’ve always loved you and I’ve always kept my vow before the altar.

No matter what, I’ll always love you but will you still love me if there’s nothing more I can give?

Now that you’ve known who really I am, let me prove to you that I can love you more.   I can let you do what you want even to the point of pain…even if it leads to my death. But just let me stay with you for I can never find another one who can truly take care of me.

Without you by side is like living in darkness…in hell…in void.

If you can no longer take me as I am, please kill me. I’d rather die than you abandoning me.

Kill me however you want it. Shoot me. Stab me. Strangle me. Suffocate me. Push me from the highest floor. Feed me to the lions or just give me a sleeping pill so I’ll wake up no more.

Will you do it, my love?

Even to my last breath, I’ll call your name. You name will be the last word I would utter.

But here you are, my love! You’ve never left me.

The way you looked at me in the church is still the same when we make love in the night.

The way you gave me your first kiss is still the same when you kiss me every time I’m downtrodden.

In front of the world, I’m a failure but in your eyes, I’m someone special. And so I’m able to soar.

You’re always at my side, lifting me up while you stay there waiting to catch me just in case I fall.

Who am I to deserve your great love for me?

My love, I’m incomplete for I can’t give you what you want. So if you can no longer take me as I am, please don’t hesitate to kill me. You don’t have to inform me. You don’t have to be guilty. There’s nothing to be afraid.

You’re just human. You have your own needs. Fulfill it if you must. Do it if you have to. You don’t have to suffer just because this is who I am.

I’m setting you free. Your true love you’ve given me for so many years is enough.

I can leave this world but know that I can’t live in this world if it takes me to be away from you. So please, my love, look straight into my eyes and tell me. You don’t have to pretend. You don’t have to lie.

Kill me. Burn me. Then replace me without any delay.

Let me just request one last thing before you cut off my breath. Let my ashes be spread in the seashore where you first gave your love for me. With your footprints there, I’ll walk with you whenever you feel alone and miserable. And just in case when life seems to turn you down, walk in the sand and feel my undying love for you.

When that happens, we’ve never been separated. We’ve never been torn apart. I never die. You’ll never die. We’ll live forever.

So please, my love… Kill me now.

– excerpts from The Massage Therapist