so please, my love, kill me now

I love you but will you still love me if you know who really I am?

I’ve always loved you and I’ve always kept my vow before the altar.

No matter what, I’ll always love you but will you still love me if there’s nothing more I can give?

Now that you’ve known who really I am, let me prove to you that I can love you more.   I can let you do what you want even to the point of pain…even if it leads to my death. But just let me stay with you for I can never find another one who can truly take care of me.

Without you by side is like living in darkness…in hell…in void.

If you can no longer take me as I am, please kill me. I’d rather die than you abandoning me.

Kill me however you want it. Shoot me. Stab me. Strangle me. Suffocate me. Push me from the highest floor. Feed me to the lions or just give me a sleeping pill so I’ll wake up no more.

Will you do it, my love?

Even to my last breath, I’ll call your name. You name will be the last word I would utter.

But here you are, my love! You’ve never left me.

The way you looked at me in the church is still the same when we make love in the night.

The way you gave me your first kiss is still the same when you kiss me every time I’m downtrodden.

In front of the world, I’m a failure but in your eyes, I’m someone special. And so I’m able to soar.

You’re always at my side, lifting me up while you stay there waiting to catch me just in case I fall.

Who am I to deserve your great love for me?

My love, I’m incomplete for I can’t give you what you want. So if you can no longer take me as I am, please don’t hesitate to kill me. You don’t have to inform me. You don’t have to be guilty. There’s nothing to be afraid.

You’re just human. You have your own needs. Fulfill it if you must. Do it if you have to. You don’t have to suffer just because this is who I am.

I’m setting you free. Your true love you’ve given me for so many years is enough.

I can leave this world but know that I can’t live in this world if it takes me to be away from you. So please, my love, look straight into my eyes and tell me. You don’t have to pretend. You don’t have to lie.

Kill me. Burn me. Then replace me without any delay.

Let me just request one last thing before you cut off my breath. Let my ashes be spread in the seashore where you first gave your love for me. With your footprints there, I’ll walk with you whenever you feel alone and miserable. And just in case when life seems to turn you down, walk in the sand and feel my undying love for you.

When that happens, we’ve never been separated. We’ve never been torn apart. I never die. You’ll never die. We’ll live forever.

So please, my love… Kill me now.

– excerpts from The Massage Therapist

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